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Asking the Impossible?

this would be me, except in real life I'm middle aged and menopausal, something this young woman is clearly not.

This would be me, except in real life I’m middle aged and menopausal, something this young woman is clearly not.

Do you ever wonder what you’ll be when you grow up? It seems an odd question to be asking when you’re a middle-aged, menopausal woman with an almost grown up family, but it’s a question I ponder almost every day. And with each passing day when I ask myself that question, I berate myself for not having discovered a suitable answer – come one, time is running out and I’ll probably die wondering!

Anyway, I was just over here reading Ms Alderson’s bio – I used to read her columns in the paper many moons ago and have read a couple of her books. Very entertaining! Go and read them if you’re into that genre. Anyway, reading her bio struck me that she knew from a very young age what she wanted to be when she grew up. Not only that, but she went out and became it! So what is it in our psyche that some of us haven’t a clue what to ‘become when we grow up’ while others know from such a young age? I remember during the final year of high school thumbing through the careers booklet we were all given and starting from A for accountant and going right through to Z for zoologist and still not having a clue. Nothing jumped out at me, but I still stumbled into university, completed my degree and fell into jobs as they came up. Maybe that’s just the way it is for the majority of us, that we simply stumble through life and have jobs rather than careers, have our little hobbies along the way, socialise when we can, have families if we want them, and then keel over when our time’s up. If so, why is the urge to know what I should be doing so strong?

Don’t mind me, I’m pondering out loud and simply rambling. I don’t think there’s an answer to my question, I think I’m one of those lost people who wander and wonder throughout their lives. But boy, what lucky ducks those who know their purpose in life and go out there and achieve it!

Wake Me When it’s Over

Maybe if I wear vintage tambourines on my ears, I won't have to listen to that horrid man speak! (Photo: Eleonora Duse's lesbian lover Lina Poletti - Dazed Digital)

Maybe if I wear vintage tambourines on my ears, I won’t have to listen to that horrid man speak! (Photo: Eleonora Duse’s lesbian lover Lina Poletti – Dazed Digital)

 

There are days when I don’t believe my ears when it comes to politics. Today is one of those days.

Driving along and listening to the radio, the news bulletin aired a snippet of Abbott muttering some negative sounding words in reply to questions asked about Rohingya refugees and allowing them entry to Australia. I swear I heard him say “nope, nope, nope”.  *Chortle*  Oh boy, I know I don’t like the man, but gee, fancy dumbing him down to the point where I’m imagining him saying “nope, nope, nope”. As trite as his ridiculous 3 word slogans are, Abbott is our Prime Minister and as a statesman representing his nation and in light of the sensitive topic of refugees, it would be absurd and inappropriate of him to answer a question with “nope, nope, nope”. Except that he did. He truly did. He answered in a trite, off-hand, petulant, insensitive, childish, boorish way. Unbelievable.

If you do a search on Twitter with “nope, nope, nope” as the search term, the results are interesting. There’s a lot of teens and 20-somethings tweeting casually –

tried to get out of bed. nope.

won’t go back home from vacation less tanned than mom. nope.

LMAO nah nope hell no

nope just u soz

nope juz trippin’

is it your kid if you don’t know he exist? nope

And on and on it goes. And then there are many references of Abbott’s use of the casual and childish term. I’ve said it before and it saddens me that I’m saying it again. And again. But surely, this is now his lowest. Abbott simply can’t stoop any lower. Please wake me when this hell is over. I’m over it.

Hello? Anybody Home?

A million miles away in another world entirely, this is me...

A million miles away in another world entirely, this is me…

Now, where was I?

That’s right…daydreaming, procrastinating and most certainly not being present in the moment. Even as I’m typing, it’s not only my computer with multiple tabs open (I’ve just counted 20 open tabs…), but my brain also has multiple tabs open. I’ve always been this way and I’m sure I’ve missed out on a lot of “real life” goings-on because I’ve had multiple thoughts competing for attention and I’ve daydreamed my way to the other worlds instead of living in the “real world”. In fact, I’m surprised that no one has picked up on this fact, snapped their fingers at me to bring me back to the present, but there you have it, maybe I do a good job convincing others that I’m really listening and paying attention when in fact I’m somewhere else entirely.  …Just imagine what I would have achieved had I been present for this ‘real life”…just imagine…

Last night I wrote out a “To Do” list as I find that helps me focus and keeps me accountable and in the present – for some of the time at least. I haven’t ticked off all the items, but have made a huge dent in the list and it always surprises me just how satisfying it is to run your pen through a written task that is now complete. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go through the tabs I have open and make an attempt to close them so that I can attempt to complete a few more tasks on my list.

It’s nice to be back blogging :)

Who Even Am I?

Here i virtually am, with my lady in waiting and parasol at the ready. We're going to hit those streets and shake our fists and cause all sorts of nonsense.

Here I virtually am, with my lady in waiting and parasol at the ready. We’re going to hit those streets and shake our fists and cause all sorts of trouble and nonsense.

I’m late, that’s what I am.

Late for this first #blogging101 challenge partially because I didn’t check my emails and partly because I’ve been trying to work out just who I am and why I’m even here. I mean, that’s a pretty tough first assignment, to ask such deep questions when the best scholars through the ages haven’t even been able to answer them. What hope do I have?

I don’t even know why I’m here or what I’m trying to achieve.

I like to pretend that I’m a writer, even though I never know what to write. I like to pretend that I have an audience that are interested in my gripes, rants and amusing little anecdotes and one of these days I’ll have an audience and I’ll write something that’s worth their while. I like to pretend that I’m sitting somewhere far away, like 1950’s New York or 1940’s San Francisco or even Victorian England, but I’m in 2014 suburbia. I like to pretend that I’m sitting in a fancy parlour, sipping endless cups of tea while I glance longingly at the handwritten manuscripts at my feet, the ones I’ve spent an eon writing and I have publishers vying for the rights of said marvelous manuscripts, but I limit my tea intake and there are no manuscripts or publishers and at this rate, there won’t be.

So, let’s just say this is my virtual world and I’m here to type virtual nonsense (see what I’ve done there) as often as I can. I have fast become one of those Grumpy Middle Aged Women that you see in the streets (or you don’t see, because we are invisible…) and I look forward to one day walking down the street in my Victorian finery complete with cinched-in corset showing off my still youthful waist, waving about my parasol at the young hooligans who should be out there getting jobs and respecting their elders by showing common courtesies, and stuff like that.

And now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to trawl the internet for said corset and a lady-in-waiting to help me cinch it in just so. By the way, it is so very nice to make your acquaintance.

Soldier On

I made several requests for bourbon, double shots no less. Perhaps I should have asked for vodka or even gin.

I made several requests for bourbon, double shots no less. Perhaps I should have asked for vodka or even gin as I see that Nurse had adequate supplies.

It all happened at once. My computer borked itself – luckily I didn’t lose any important files as I’d already backed those up on a couple of externals. And then I had a bit of a health scare that has kept me away from the computer and work and some of what life has to offer. How lucky to live in Australia, where I was able to walk into my nearest hospital and seek treatment without having to worry about whether I had enough $$ for the treatment.  A couple of procedures later, and I’ll be able to return to work next week. I’ve even ventured to write this post, the first since the “issue”* arose, albeit a little gingerly.

Earlier this week I was feeling more morose than usual and had convinced myself that this was now my lot. The occurrence of the “issue” had well and truly curtailed how I functioned in this world, I had told myself, but that’s what happens when you ask Dr Google questions… I really did feel very sorry for myself and wasn’t afraid to let the rest of the family know about it. I did also tell them that that day was my sooky-la-la day and that I’d give myself a good talking to by the following morning.

Ac1 and AC2 had done a wonderful job fixing my computer and it was good as new. The programs were all loaded and I was keen to listen to some music, that always cheers me up and it might help lift my mood. I had also wanted to check out some meditation apps on iTunes that I could download, as I thought they would be helpful too. Well, doesn’t the universe work in mysterious ways…I opened up iTunes, hit the shuffle button, hit play and the first song that came up was The Temper Trap’s “Soldier On”. Very apt for my current mood – have a listen if you haven’t heard it in a while:

Interpret it as you will, I’m seeing this song as being about life and getting on with it. Make the best of what you have and when the gold turns to rust, then don’t think about it. Just soldier on.

 

* I don’t feel comfortable publicly discussing the “issue”, at this stage.  Other than to say it has frightened the bejebus out of me and I still remain a little shaken. In time I may be more comfortable to discuss this “issue” down the track. In the meantime, my apologies.

A Short Break

At one point, the nurse may or may not have had to restrain me. And at one point I may have had that same plastic look of solidified terror on my face.

At one point, the nurse may or may not have had to restrain me. And at one point I may have had that same plastic look of solidified terror on my face.

Due to an sudden health issue this recent weekend, I’ll be taking a break from posting for a short time.

See you all soon.

A Little Corner of Calmness

The world was just on the other side of that library wall of books. She would just read to the end of the chapter before entering the real world again.

The world was just on the other side of that library wall of books. She would just read to the end of the chapter before entering the real world again.

Where do you go to find your little corner of calmness in your life? Do you have a hobby that you turn to when life gets hectic and overwhelming? I’ve just been over to The Book of Life website and read the post On Bounded and Unbounded Tasks. It’s a post that certainly resonated with me and it’s only been in recent times that I’ve discovered that some tasks, like the raking of gravel or doing a jigsaw puzzle as discussed in the linked post, can be great stress breakers. Take for instance this blog post. As I’m writing this, I’m totally switching off to the other worries that normally occupy my mind. And I’m finding there’s something therapeutic about getting my thoughts down in coherent sentences and paragraphs. Sketching, although new to me, is the same. My sketches are terrible, but the act of making those lines to create shape and form lead to an enormous sense of calmness. Which seems so strange that something that is so frustrating can be so calming at the same time. And reading. I read every day. I have been known to become quite unbearable if I don’t have a book, newspaper or magazine to read. To immerse myself into another world and to lock out the ordinary is just wonderful. And calming.

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Another take on writing, reading, loving -- and eating

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